Dating After Divorce
Relationships are hard enough, but dating after divorce is even trickier when you haven’t been on the dating scene in years. Naturally, there’s a lot going on and emotions to unpack, leaving many women vulnerable to predatory partners.
We’re excited to premiere season 5, episode 1 of Ex-Wives Undercover today, which coincides with what is happening with our main character in the story, Ana. After two failed marriages, she was left single in her 40s with three teenagers to support. When an old crush, Ted, reached out to her after 30 years, she was ecstatic. But he turned out to be her worst nightmare that consumed her for almost a decade.
This seems to be a trending thing because we ALSO saw this predatory behavior happen to Alicia in season three and Avery in seasons 1 and 2. So what gives?
Familiarity Does Not Equal Trust
Our first don’t is to try and avoid giving automatic trust to individuals that you may have known at one point or another in your life. Time changes people, so the person you once knew may or may not be the same person. Treat anybody you are considering dating to be a stranger and be sure to incorporate your due diligence. And by that, we mean,
- Doing a full background search. We interviewed a wonderful police detective in season three who let us know the easiest and most accurate way to do a background search. First, go to your state police and provide as much detail about the person you’re interested in learning more about. Ask for a criminal history case number search as well as an FBI search. From there, you’ll receive a full list of case numbers with the county they’re attached to. Then, go to the county and make a public information request on each specific case number for more details.
- Educate yourself on narcissistic and other toxic traits to look out for. People who fall into these categories may appear wonderful in their dating profiles, but don’t be fooled. The more you can educate yourself, the better prepared you will be if you come across one. Podcasts like Ex-Wives Undercover, Something Was Wrong and Strictly Stalking are great resources.
- Do your own research online. The web is a treasure trove of information and you’d be amazed at how much info you can find online. We put together our top tips for going undercover that we highly recommend reviewing.
Do Not Proceed Without Proper Reflection
Our second don’t is to avoid dating until you properly reflect and do the inner work necessary to have a healthy relationship. Whether it’s seeking a therapist or reading up on self-help books, it’s critical to uncover this information.
In season five, we learn that Ana had been in two marriages back-to-back before jumping into a relationship with Ted. She never had a chance to be single, work on herself and figure out what she wanted out of her next relationship.
Amber [Ex-Wife #2] always recommends an online journal app called Perspective which might be helpful as you embark on this new journey.
If you want more info about dating after divorce, definitely check out Season 5 of Ex-Wivesundercover! Ana is a therapist and she’ll discuss several red flags to look out for as well as how to identify classic narcissistic personality traits.