Ever feel like your relationship mimics a game of Ping-Pong? If so, you’re in a hot and cold relationship and it’s time to prepare yourself with the knowledge needed to address the issue, or strategize your plan to cut and run.

In Season 5 of Ana’s story, she talks about the many back and forth, hot and cold, displays of affection, or lack there of. One day Teddy boy is professing his undying love to her, and the next day he is completely MIA. From the outside looking in, one might simply say, Fu@k that, kick his ass to the curb. But, for someone living with daily manipulation and gaslighting from the person they are in love with, it simply isn’t that cut and dry.

With that said, let’s take a look at both sides of the toxic relationship spectrum. Best selling author, Sherry Argov, talks about this in one of my favorite books, ‘Why Men Love Bitches.’ Sherry states “When he’s “hot” he is manipulating you. When he’s “cold,” he is showing you his true colors.”

_{Lets go over a few examples of what the “hot” phase could look like.}

• After getting caught in a lie, your partner showers you with monetary gifts.
• You just addressed the text messages you found on your partners phone, and after hours of fighting, they somehow made you feel like the crazy person. By the end of the evening your partner is whispering sweet nothings into your ear and initiating sexy time.
• Suddenly your partner is more attentive and affectionate. If this isn’t his normal behavior, I’d almost bet he is guilty of something. The toxic twist to this is that you want to enjoy the attention you’re receiving, but deep down you know something is off. You are correct. This is yet another form of strategic manipulation.

_{Now, a list of examples of the “cold” phase. You will notice in these examples how much manipulation, gas lighting and self blaming play a role here.}

• After a certain amount of time has passed, usually no where near enough though, your partner feels they have sufficiently put in the adequate amount of time to make up for the lie or cheating scandal they were caught up in. You however, are not just magically back to your happy and trusting place quite yet. Your partner feels annoyed by you, gives you a “poor them” sob story, and poof, their efforts come to a screeching icy cold halt. They you are right back to their same shady behavior and your left wondering if you pushed them too hard. The answer to that is “HELL NO.” This is gaslighting at it’s finest.
• You are dating for awhile now, and up until this point, haven’t made a big deal about the little amount of time your partner gives you. Or even that the little time spent together, always ends up with the two of you having sex. You decide to address your need for more time with your partner, and in return, you get yelled at and reprimanded for being selfish and needy. As punishment, your partner gives you even less time together. This is him training you to accept the bare minimum. Are you going to stand for that. “HELL NO.” Know your worth, because you my friend are worthy.

If you have found yourself relating to any of these scenarios, It’s time you take a cold hard look in the mirror. Leaving a person like this isn’t going to be easy, but millions of people choose themselves and a better, healthier life every single day. Now It’s time for you to join the masses.

Written by Athena Klingerman