Do you suspect you’re a side chick? At some point or another many women have fallen victim to being the other woman. It’s a horrible heartbreak to be manipulated and strung along by a man you thought was your everything. In part one of Avery’s story, we learn how Ben got into her good graces by appealing to their shared childhood and some of the lies and manipulation tactics he used to make her doubt her instincts, and most importantly, the blatant red flags!
What better way for a sociopath to get the upper hand than to appeal to familiarity!
As you can see from Avery’s Facebook post, she was sold on Ben’s story that them reconnecting after 30+ years was FATE! He drilled it in her head that he had always had a crush on her. Who wouldn’t want to believe in the fairytale, right?
While Ben came on strong in the beginning, his actions didn’t follow his words to Avery. This is a HUGE red flag that many women overlook. Instead of spending any time with her and growing an authentic and real relationship, he sent flowers and text messages to drive home that he was in love.
A side chick is never introduced to friends or family, but Avery was…what gives?
When Amber moved to Oregon, this freed up time for Ben to get away with a LOT. He was now able to fool his entire family into thinking they were ‘on the rocks’ – making it easier for them to welcome Avery during a messy time in their relationship.
So, while this was an encouraging sign for Avery that Ben was serious, there were so many other red flags that she ignored.
The best thing to do if you suspect you’re being played…look at the ENTIRE picture! Don’t focus on the one good thing. Make a pros and cons list to have a visual to put things in perspective.
It’s so much easier to see things for what they are when you’re on the outside looking in. Avery’s friends had her back and were on a mission to figure out the truth about Ben.
Even with ALL that information and knowing he was married and currently trying to buy a home in Oregon with his wife…Ben STILL was able to coerce Avery into believing they were just cousins! He was able to make her doubt her gut instincts and continue believing his ridiculous stories.
If something doesn’t look or feel right, 99% of the time it isn’t.
The photos don’t lie
Avery’s friends were the first to discover Amber’s social media and the first thing they saw was a wedding photo. They also reached out to Amber and she confirmed that they were indeed married and offered up a copy of the marriage certificate.
Infidelity statistics
- Dr. Jan Halper, in her book on successful men, noted that only three percent of men who engaged in extramarital affairs actually married their mistresses.
- According to noted marriage counselor Frank Pittman, men who do marry their paramours, have a divorce rate as high as 75%.
- In an overview of infidelity research from the Zur Institute, it was found that most affairs don’t go beyond the “falling-in-love” phase and are short-term.
The best ‘side chick’ is an empathetic one
When Ben finally confessed to Avery that he was actually married he changed his tune. This time he appealed to her strong empathetic nature and explained that Amber was a monster and abusive…just like how he painted Athena out to be with Amber.
Naturally, when Amber saw Avery’s Facebook with a photo of the two of them, she reached out. Not surprisingly, Avery wasn’t the nicest and was trying to defend the man she thought was her boyfriend!
The Ben’s of the world LOVE women who will give them the benefit of the doubt. Avery WANTED to believe he was a victim. And when we think something, that is all we’ll see or hear. Because thoughts shape our reality and our life.
Are you a side chick?
- You’re saved with a different name in his phone and he keeps his phone on lockdown. In Avery’s case, she was never given Ben’s real phone number. He had an app, called Line2, that he used. He also gave her a fake phone number to his aunt but it was actually him all along. One thing narcissistic sociopaths never want is for your to communicate with anybody!
- He only responds when it’s convenient for him. Ben used the excuse that he was on work trips often and with his daughter Sydney for why he couldn’t spend any time with Avery. Texting was his main form of communication with phone calls mostly when he was driving or late at night after his wife went to bed.
- He only stays the night at your house and never has you come to his home. While Avery did visit his townhome on a few occasions, for the most part he was always going to her house. This was also the case with his other girlfriend DeAnna who didn’t even know where he lived!
- You don’t have each other on social media. This is a big one. Ben’s real accounts were hidden from Avery and he used a spelling of his name that wouldn’t be searchable. If he was so in love and wanted her to move in with him and get married…wouldn’t he want to show her off to the world on social media? Not the actions of a man who doesn’t have anything to hide.
- He doesn’t like to take pictures. This was apparent with both DeAnna and Avery. Very few photos were taken which is why she had to rotate the same ones over and over on social media. If you look at his body language in Avery’s photos, it doesn’t demonstrate a happy man but rather a nervous one who knows he could get caught.
- He will go MIA out of nowhere and always cancels plans. Ben used a variety of excuses for why he couldn’t spend any time with the various girlfriends. On many occasions, he would bail on plans last minute or make plans knowing that the would never follow through.
- He never makes sacrifices anything for you and you’re not a priority. Everything is always about him and his needs, not yours. Whenever you really need him, he’s not there.
- He doesn’t bring you around friends or family. Now in Avery’s case, she did meet his immediate family who would fall for the story that him and Amber were having problems. But, there were no double dates or bringing her fully into his world. And, with DeAnna, she never met anybody!
- He’s MIA on holidays, birthdays etc. Do they always have an excuse for why they can’t attend special events or can only come for a short time? That’s because these occasions are specially reserved for the spouse or his main partner.
- He has a wife/girlfriend already. If you found out that he has another woman, you can be damn sure that she’s either his girlfriend or wife. If he’s not treating you like his partner, then you’re the side chick in this story. Those other girls? Yeah, they’re the ones he caters to. You’re simply a side piece for when he needs a change.